Hello friends!
Just a quick update here. You probably noticed that the title of my blog has changed tonight. Well, here's my short and sweet explanation...I wanted to change it. ;) lol
In all seriousness, I've decided that I don't really want the word "vegan" attached to my blog. I LOVE making new, vegan conscious choices. However, my reasons for choosing to eat mostly as a vegan are for health benefits and not moral qualms. I support and love my vegan/vegetarian friends who live this lifestyle because of moral convictions. I just don't want to misrepresent myself. I still eat honey, which some don't consider to be vegan, I have no intention of changing my beauty care and clothing products that are animal based (wool, leather, etc,) and I have no problem with eating some yummy veggie goodness that has laid on the same counter that a cooked piece of meat was prepared.
I have found in my research of recipes, food options, etc. that the vegan community can be very unforgiving if you don't meet certain standards. Some are quick to criticize and say that others are not vegan if their choices do not meet these high expectations. I'm going to just be real with you all. I don't have time for that kind of judgmental negativity in my life. I'm making choices to better myself. That includes trying to protect my heart from the potential of unnecessary criticism and drama. So, before anything does happen, I'm making a proactive change.
The other reason I have changed my title is that I don't know what the future holds. As I've mentioned, DH and I have challenged ourselves to eat a plant based diet through the end of 2015. I do not know at this point if we will add any animal products back in after that. I like to think that we will not. The truth is though, that I just don't know at this point. I want to be able to continue with my blog past any changes we may make.
What I do know is that I have fallen in love with fruits and veggies. I do know that I will always be a vocalist that sings as much as she breathes. I do know that I want to keep sharing with you, imperfections and all.
So, I hope you like the new name. This one should stick!
Song of the day:
A Change Would Do You Good by Sheryl Crow
Saturday, September 12, 2015
Friday, September 11, 2015
Dust in the Wind
I'm 9 years old.
My 15 year old uncle and I are in cahoots against my 7 year old sister again. We are playing hide and go seek inside my grandma and grandpa's house, because it's storming outside, and little sis hides in the hall closet. Uncle and I think it would be funny to make her think that there's a tornado. We are ornery kids, after all. We pound on the door and yell, "Oh no! The twister has got me!" between stifled giggles. Grandma puts a stop to it and opens the door for my shaken up little sis. Uncle just flashes me his handsome grin and I hold back a laugh so I don't get my butt whooped. Sis and I run off to dance to Sweatin to the Oldies again. My 2 year old brother runs through the living room and Uncle scoops him up in the air narrowly missing the ceiling fan. Little brother likes to shadow Uncle while we are here. He looks up to him. We all do. Later on, maybe a few days, maybe a few weeks, my 9 year old cousin and I give our uncle some of his own good natured teasing. He's on the phone with a girl and, as he stretches the cord as far as it will reach so he can close the door to the sun porch, we sing about him sitting in a tree-K-I-S-S-I-N-G. We run away laughing as little girls do, knowing that uncle will be off the phone soon and he will take us to pick clover flowers to eat and to play on the chat pile behind the house later.
These are some of the few precious memories that I have of my dear uncle. You see, later that year, while he was still just a 15 year old kid that had barely begun to experience life, he died. My handsome uncle took his own life. That was one of the most devastating experiences of my young life. It continues to be today as the years have worn on. This year has been 25 years since his death. Some days, I still feel it as if it were yesterday. I remember answering the phone to my panicked aunt. I remember the freshly showered smell when my dad hugged me before they rushed to the hospital. We had been getting ready to leave for somewhere. I remember the words said by my parents as they tried to make sense of what was happening. I remember playing Mario Bros. through streaming tears cause my other grandma was just trying to get me to take my mind of the fear that I had lost one of the people I admired and looked up to most in the world. I remember the overwhelming sadness and guilt left behind with my family members. I remember the funeral and my great grandma's need to know that his feet were warm with socks on. I remember the fried chicken in the family room and standing on the porch of the funeral home with my dad and asking him if Uncle was in heaven now. I remember the songs. To this day, I still can not hear "Dust in the Wind" without crying. I remember the outpouring of students that came from the local high school. I remember thinking that there were a lot of people that loved my uncle.
There's a question that lingers though. A memory that I don't have a complete answer for. I remember wondering, as a child does, "If so many people loved my uncle like I did, why did he feel so alone that he saw no other way out?" Maybe you think that's a deep question for a 9 year old. Well, grief can grow you a little faster than you want sometimes. Now, when I was still a child, the question was a fleeting one to me. One that gnawed at the back of my mind occasionally in quiet moments or on stormy days when I would remember our twister prank. As I became a teenager, there were times when I understood. I would be so blinded by my own raging emotions and hormones that I would forget about those who loved me. All I could focus on was the pain. As I've grown into an adult, I have had my own struggles with anxiety and depression. Honestly, I credit my uncle for my awareness to the hurt that suicide leaves behind. Had I not had that life altering experience, I can't really say my thoughts of that escape at times in the past wouldn't have become actions. I can say, that I know from first hand experience that depression and anxiety can be crippling. It clouds your mind. It lies to you and fogs the truth. It sucks life from you in very real ways when left unchecked. I've learned that you can be truly, unconditionally loved by people and still feel desperately ALONE. Depression is a black cloud that hides all of the good behind it.
The truth is, there is help. There are medications. There are support groups. There are phenomenal organizations to bring awareness to this epidemic. Most importantly, there is YOU! Get involved in the lives of those you love. Make yourself available and reach out your hand. Don't just say you're there. Take action! Most of us that are suffering depression won't ask for help while we are in the depth of it. However, we most definitely want someone to see our hurt and step in to pick us up cause we can't stand on our own anymore in that moment. Know the signs of depression and the warning signs of being suicidal. TALK. LOVE. BE A LIGHT IN SOMEONE'S DARKNESS. And if you are the one suffering, DON'T GIVE UP! Just keep going! Your story is not over;
September 10th is suicide awareness day.
Song of the Day:
Dust in the Wind by Kansas
My 15 year old uncle and I are in cahoots against my 7 year old sister again. We are playing hide and go seek inside my grandma and grandpa's house, because it's storming outside, and little sis hides in the hall closet. Uncle and I think it would be funny to make her think that there's a tornado. We are ornery kids, after all. We pound on the door and yell, "Oh no! The twister has got me!" between stifled giggles. Grandma puts a stop to it and opens the door for my shaken up little sis. Uncle just flashes me his handsome grin and I hold back a laugh so I don't get my butt whooped. Sis and I run off to dance to Sweatin to the Oldies again. My 2 year old brother runs through the living room and Uncle scoops him up in the air narrowly missing the ceiling fan. Little brother likes to shadow Uncle while we are here. He looks up to him. We all do. Later on, maybe a few days, maybe a few weeks, my 9 year old cousin and I give our uncle some of his own good natured teasing. He's on the phone with a girl and, as he stretches the cord as far as it will reach so he can close the door to the sun porch, we sing about him sitting in a tree-K-I-S-S-I-N-G. We run away laughing as little girls do, knowing that uncle will be off the phone soon and he will take us to pick clover flowers to eat and to play on the chat pile behind the house later.
These are some of the few precious memories that I have of my dear uncle. You see, later that year, while he was still just a 15 year old kid that had barely begun to experience life, he died. My handsome uncle took his own life. That was one of the most devastating experiences of my young life. It continues to be today as the years have worn on. This year has been 25 years since his death. Some days, I still feel it as if it were yesterday. I remember answering the phone to my panicked aunt. I remember the freshly showered smell when my dad hugged me before they rushed to the hospital. We had been getting ready to leave for somewhere. I remember the words said by my parents as they tried to make sense of what was happening. I remember playing Mario Bros. through streaming tears cause my other grandma was just trying to get me to take my mind of the fear that I had lost one of the people I admired and looked up to most in the world. I remember the overwhelming sadness and guilt left behind with my family members. I remember the funeral and my great grandma's need to know that his feet were warm with socks on. I remember the fried chicken in the family room and standing on the porch of the funeral home with my dad and asking him if Uncle was in heaven now. I remember the songs. To this day, I still can not hear "Dust in the Wind" without crying. I remember the outpouring of students that came from the local high school. I remember thinking that there were a lot of people that loved my uncle.
There's a question that lingers though. A memory that I don't have a complete answer for. I remember wondering, as a child does, "If so many people loved my uncle like I did, why did he feel so alone that he saw no other way out?" Maybe you think that's a deep question for a 9 year old. Well, grief can grow you a little faster than you want sometimes. Now, when I was still a child, the question was a fleeting one to me. One that gnawed at the back of my mind occasionally in quiet moments or on stormy days when I would remember our twister prank. As I became a teenager, there were times when I understood. I would be so blinded by my own raging emotions and hormones that I would forget about those who loved me. All I could focus on was the pain. As I've grown into an adult, I have had my own struggles with anxiety and depression. Honestly, I credit my uncle for my awareness to the hurt that suicide leaves behind. Had I not had that life altering experience, I can't really say my thoughts of that escape at times in the past wouldn't have become actions. I can say, that I know from first hand experience that depression and anxiety can be crippling. It clouds your mind. It lies to you and fogs the truth. It sucks life from you in very real ways when left unchecked. I've learned that you can be truly, unconditionally loved by people and still feel desperately ALONE. Depression is a black cloud that hides all of the good behind it.
The truth is, there is help. There are medications. There are support groups. There are phenomenal organizations to bring awareness to this epidemic. Most importantly, there is YOU! Get involved in the lives of those you love. Make yourself available and reach out your hand. Don't just say you're there. Take action! Most of us that are suffering depression won't ask for help while we are in the depth of it. However, we most definitely want someone to see our hurt and step in to pick us up cause we can't stand on our own anymore in that moment. Know the signs of depression and the warning signs of being suicidal. TALK. LOVE. BE A LIGHT IN SOMEONE'S DARKNESS. And if you are the one suffering, DON'T GIVE UP! Just keep going! Your story is not over;
September 10th is suicide awareness day.
Song of the Day:
Dust in the Wind by Kansas
Monday, September 7, 2015
I'm a Survivor
Here I sit, late at night (as usual), reflecting on the previous week and weekend. I have survived! What have you survived, you ask? Well, let me tell you!
I survived my first funeral as a vegan! My dear sweet great uncle passed away. He was more grandpa than uncle. I took it harder than I even expected I would. Normally, this kind of emotion would send me straight to the comfort foods and the bakery section. I would drown my sorrow in pasta, meats, chocolate cakes, donuts, candy bars, etc, etc. Tuesday, we had to travel about 1.5hrs, one way, for the visitation. This usually means a quick meal from a fast food place and some gas station treats on the way home. Wednesday, we traveled again for the funeral. More fast food would have been typical. After the funeral, there was a meal for the family that included lots of meats, fried stuff, pastas w/meat sauce, cheesy goodness, desserts, etc. There was one, yes I said ONE, thing I would have been able to eat. I chose not to do all of these things. Maybe that contributed to my grief being worse than expected. Maybe, just maybe, I was allowing myself to feel for a change. It hurts, but it is a huge step forward for me to not drown my emotions in food. When we traveled, we ate before leaving on Tuesday. For the trip home, I got a Naked smoothie. (The Berry Blast one will rock your socks off!) We still spent time connecting with family at the meal Wednesday, BUT we stopped at Qdoba first and got our own food to take with us. I am totally in love with their gumbo without rice and with LOTS of fajita veggies and guac. I did indulge in one piece of apple pie which was probably not vegan, but hey, that's why there is a Mostly in the title of my blog. I'm no perfect Patty!
I survived going "vegan public!" Yep, that includes you fine folks. My darling husband decided to go vegan with me about a week and a half ago. We have decided to eat as vegans for the rest of the year and then make a decision as to what our next step is with the new year. This week, we told several friends and family members about our new way of eating. I told the world by starting a blog. We have had some overwhelming and surprising support by some. Obviously, we have answered some curious questions. Some still have been, well, lets just say less than supportive. Like, a lot less. There may have been some laughing and ridiculing involved. I digress... The point is, it's out there and I am confident in our decision. We've done our research. We feel good about it. We aren't forcing it on anyone. "Let them eat cake!" Err...Meat. I'll stick with my plants.
I survived my first holiday weekend as a vegan! Let's face it. Most holidays tend to revolve around food in one way or another. Labor day weekend is all about BBQ, family gatherings, and a last summer hurrah with loved ones. We still had a fun, family gathering on Saturday. There was a great big box of fried chicken, bread, and other yummies. My dear son chomped down some chicken legs. For DH and I, I made two dishes to take. One was a raw zucchini pasta with avocado basil cream and the other was a peach and blackberry compote. My gracious MIL took a salad and left the toppings on the side so we could enjoy that as well. (Thanks L!) Now, it was my first time making the pasta or the compote so, the recipes need tweaked a little. But, DH and I finished our meal feeling full and satisfied with our choices. Typically, after a holiday meal we would both feel bloated and yuck. This time, we felt great! Sunday, we had lunch and one last swim time with some friends. I made a salad, topped with the leftover compote. It was delicious! I also made cauliflower fried rice for the first time. Oh my goodness! It was so good!! We will probably be having that once a week now. My DS and a friend and his son did not even know they were eating cauliflower. Seriously. SO good! Today, we had lunch with some other awesome friends. She made us a delicious lunch of stir fried veggies and soy crumbles. Honestly, holiday weekends typically involve lots of reasons I should have dessert 3 times a day! It feels good to finish out the weekend in a healthy way.
I also survived my first ER trip as a vegan! My DS decided that this morning would be a good time to find out what it would be like to stick a bead up his nose. I think he has found out that he doesn't like it! ;) He is OK. They didn't find the bead, but it is very small so the Dr. is hopeful that he just swallowed it. We just have to wait it out and see if he is still complaining in a few days. If so, we will be off to the ENT. Any who...typically, the stress of worry and the impatience of waiting around in the ER would send me straight to the vending machines. Today, I said no thank you to that little demon in my head (or maybe it was my stomach) and asked the nurse for a glass of ice water.
Maybe these things seem small or inconsequential to some. To me, each of these accomplishments is a giant step towards changing my life for the better. Some day soon I will share a little of my back story and why I'm making such a drastic change.
Now, to convince myself that going to bed earlier is a good thing.....
Song of the Day:
Thursday, September 3, 2015
Hello Darlin'
It's 3:30 in the morning. I can't sleep. I have a dirty house and I have to be up to take my son to school in 3.5 hours. It's the perfect time to start a new blog! Right?!
I started a journey today. I have challenged myself to eat a vegan diet through the rest of 2015.
Today is day 1.
Well, I should clarify. I have been eating as a vegan for the past 2.5 weeks, however, that was a fast that was very limited and for spiritual reasons. This marks something new for me. This is not a fast. This is a challenge to myself to make a real change in my life. A change that will have a lasting impact on my health.
I have felt better in the past 2 weeks than I have in a very long time. I want that to continue.
I know that there will be times that this is a difficult challenge. I also know that there will be times that this challenge is a phenomenal blessing. I want to be able to share these things. I want to share this journey. I'm tired of trying to do things alone.
I will also be sharing other things important in my life. Weight loss, Parenthood, Mission work, Music, Recipes, etc.
So, here I am! REAL. RAW. UNASHAMED. Embracing ME!
I'm glad you're here for the ride. Buckle up.
Song of the Day:
Hello Darlin' by Conway Twitty
I started a journey today. I have challenged myself to eat a vegan diet through the rest of 2015.
Today is day 1.
Well, I should clarify. I have been eating as a vegan for the past 2.5 weeks, however, that was a fast that was very limited and for spiritual reasons. This marks something new for me. This is not a fast. This is a challenge to myself to make a real change in my life. A change that will have a lasting impact on my health.
I have felt better in the past 2 weeks than I have in a very long time. I want that to continue.
I know that there will be times that this is a difficult challenge. I also know that there will be times that this challenge is a phenomenal blessing. I want to be able to share these things. I want to share this journey. I'm tired of trying to do things alone.
I will also be sharing other things important in my life. Weight loss, Parenthood, Mission work, Music, Recipes, etc.
So, here I am! REAL. RAW. UNASHAMED. Embracing ME!
I'm glad you're here for the ride. Buckle up.
Song of the Day:
Hello Darlin' by Conway Twitty
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